


Yeah ... Like *That*

by Nouveau_Monday



Series: Magnets [2]
Category: As the World Turns
Genre: M/M, Magnets, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 19:06:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16124819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nouveau_Monday/pseuds/Nouveau_Monday
Summary: A night at the Lakeview. Noah admits what he really wants from Luke





	Yeah ... Like *That*

**Author's Note:**

> Up through Valentine's Day 2008, and then it's what should have happened.
> 
> The second fanfic I ever, ever wrote.

**part one**  
Luke leaned his head against Noah's chest. He could hear the steady drum of his boyfriend's heartbeat speed up as he scraped his fingers under Noah's sweater. Luke flattened his hand across his ribs. He smiled at the easy rise and fall of Noah's breathing. They had come a long way since the summer. "Do you remember when you first came to Oakdale?"

"You mean when I was lost and late, just ran away from a huge fight with the Colonel, and then there I was trying to figure out Maddy and you were an asshole?" Noah laughed. "Yeah, I vaguely remember that day."

"I was an asshole, wasn't I?" Luke leaned back to bite Noah's ear. "It's a good thing I got over that."

Noah tightened his grasp on Luke. "Not like you were the only one who needed to get over things." He kissed the top of Luke's head. "You were such a grouch. Always running away. Always so moody. No wonder it took me so long to figure things out. It didn't make sense that I kept wanting to find ways to be around you when I clearly pissed you off. And then there was Maddy." Noah closed his eyes. "I was the asshole."

"Maybe we both were?" Luke shrugged. "We're here now." He pressed chilled lips to Noah's neck.

"Yep." Noah breathed as he shifted.

"And it's not too weird? You're not angry about the farm instead of an apartment and crazy parties with hot tubs and hot guys?" Luke's hand dashed over Noah's stomach.

Noah reached under his sweater and held Luke's anxious fingers. "It's not weird. Your family, this farm, it's amazing. I don't need crazy parties or hot tubs, and I already have the hot guy. Some day you have to stop worrying. It's not good for you. Emma says it gives you wrinkles." He thumbed a gentle circle against Luke's temple.

"It's probably too late for me then. What with dad and mom and everything, I bet I'll have grey hair before Valentine's day." He brushed at his hair, turned his head toward the porch light. "Do you see any?"

Noah ran his fingers through Luke's hair, rubbed at his scalp and down to his neck. "Maybe one or two, but they make you look distinguished." He dug into the tension at Luke's back, massaged his thumbs over the knots in his shoulders. "Here, shift a little, you need this. Why were you asking about when I first got here, anyway?"

"I don't know. Just thinking."

Noah waited for Luke to continue. He hit a pressure spot and listened to the heavy exhale of Luke's breath. "Just thinking about what?"

"This stuff with my parents has me messed up. It's fixed and dad and mom have been really close, but I'm caught up in the maybes and the could-have-beens. What if I hadn't come out to you, hadn't told you I liked you? I don't know how I'd have faced this by myself" He rolled his back. "You have great hands."

"Relax, would you? I can feel your muscles tensing." Noah watched his boyfriend undulate under his fingers. Sneaking kisses was not enough. Not since New Years. He shifted to hide his erection. Luke was upset and he was getting hard. He sucked. Correction, he wanted to be sucking. Unsuccessfully, Noah tried to block the images of Luke naked above him, the sensation of Luke's mouth on his dick. He shifted against the pressure in jeans. "You did tell me. I'm glad you did. It was time to stop lying to myself. Imagine if the Colonel knew that all this happened because he told me to wear a tie."

Luke laughed. "I never thought of it that way. It really is all his fault, isn't it."

"All those important moments that my fa-," he swallowed, "that man created even when he didn't want them. That first kiss, you telling me you wanted me to be your boyfriend, you first saying you loved me, hell, you stood up while you were shouting at him." Noah slipped his hands around and across Luke's stomach before pulling him close to his own chest. "You're here with me now, alive, and I'm here with you, out, and we can just pretend he doesn't exist. I have a real family now."

Luke nuzzled at Noah's jaw. "You do, screwed up as we are, you're stuck with us."

Noah tightened his grip. "Just where I want to be." He loved the warmth of Luke against him, loved his honesty and compassion, hell, just loved everything about him. His brain raced to replay their conversation, something nagging at him. Grey hairs by Valentine's day? Why, why, why had he brought up that damned day? Valentine's day, rose petals on duvet covers, locker rooms, what was expected of him? They hadn't talked about it. He didn't want to bring it up, didn't want to sound stupid and screw things up. Hallmark holidays sucked more than regular holidays. Damnit.

"Hey," Luke tugged at Noah's scarf. "Where'd you just go?"

Noah blinked. "Sorry, just, thinking about things."

"Yeah, got that from how you nearly tore my coat." His hands covered Noah's. "All of a sudden you were white-knuckling my clothes, and while, you know, I could hope that this was the start of something exciting, it didn't seem like it. And my family's inside." The back of Luke's thighs heated the front of Noah's as he moved. "Was it talking about your dad?"

Noah breathed. "Something like that." Or not. His body responded to Luke as it always did. Liquid fire replacing anything necessary, like blood or oxygen. His father didn't belong anywhere in this picture. No one belonged in that picture. "I have studying I should be doing." He forced his fingers to unclench, forced his pulse to stop racing, crushed his desire.

"Now?"

"Yeah, now." He bit the inside of his cheek, watched the confusion play out across Luke's face as he turned to face him. "Luke," he brushed his hands into Luke's hair. "Can we find some time to maybe be alone maybe for ... just soon ... after I finish this ..."

"Studying?" Luke frowned.

"Yeah." Noah leaned into his boyfriend. He smelled like hay, woodsmoke, cold air and everything right in the world. "The test is on Thursday, so I've got some time, but calculus was never my best subject and I need to start clearing out those gen eds." Standing brought his hips in line with Luke's, his dick painfully aware of what he wanted but wasn't about to ask for. He rolled his head back, eyes closed, and tried not to groan. He could just turn him around, fall to his knees and suck him off against the wall. Jesus, I'm a fucking girl. He jammed his hands into his pockets so he didn't, wouldn't, couldn't grab at Luke.

"You do that. I should start Fathers and Sons." He laughed. "Who knew I would like Russian lit so much? I need to check in on the girls, but then I'll meet you in the kitchen? Snacks and homework sound like a plan?" He rested for a moment, warm and solid, against Noah.

"A definite plan. I left one of the books in my truck. Meet you inside." Noah sprinted through the porch door. The even colder air bit at his lungs. He breathed against his hands, curled into a standing semi-fetal position. Damn. He punched his truck. "Shit!" He shook his hand and winced. The pain momentarily distracted him from his aching dick and pounding heart. He yanked the door open and grabbed the math book from the passenger seat. His knuckles stung with scrapes, but no blood. Maybe Luke wouldn't notice? He remembered just in time to not cross his sore fingers as he headed back toward the farm.

Evenings like this were one of Noah's top three all time favorites. Companionable and not hostile silence was new. He felt stupidly safe and almost happy. Probably would have been entirely happy if it weren't for what wasn't being said into that silence. He tried to envision what the conversation might sound like:

"So, umm Luke, that was a one time thing, huh?"  
"What? What was a one time thing, Noah?"  
"You. Me. Your bedroom. Your mouth on my dick. My mouth on yours. That thing."  
"No. No way, Noah. Just haven't found the time or space since. I want things with us to be special."  
"Me too, Luke, promise. But it's hard. No pun intended. I miss that closeness. Sometimes I just want to swallow you whole."  
"Just let me get things right with my family, and we'll be back on track. Promise. I really want you."

Sometimes the mention of Luke's family made him feel so very fucking alone. Holden was great, but maybe, just a little bit, Noah wished everything hadn't turned out so perfectly. Maybe it would have put them back on equal terms. He wanted to punch himself in the face. How could he think something like that? After everything the Snyders had done for him. He growled at his calculus book.

"Wow, you really don't like math." Luke stood behind Noah and rubbed his shoulders. Tension bloomed under his fingers and muscles appeared to tighten. What was that about? "Can I help?"

"Can you sit in my ear somehow on Thursday and whisper me the answers?"

Luke flushed. Sitting on Noah, whispering things in his ear, those thoughts and so many more engulfed his brain. And Thursday was Valentine's day. Noah probably thought it was a stupid holiday. For years, since he had come out, Luke had felt the same way. For once he wouldn't wear black on the fourteenth. A smile teased his lips. "I don't think that would help with the test. I might be a distraction if I was sitting that close while you tried to work." He nipped his teeth into Noah's earlobe. He tongued across the soft flesh. "I'd hate to be responsible for your grade suffering." Luke admired the relaxed arch of his boyfriend's neck. He couldn't resist running his fingertips over Noah's throat while he swallowed. He dipped lower under the neck of Noah's shirt, rubbed his thumbs across his collarbone, stretched his hands to palm at Noah's muscles. "We should definitely find some place to celebrate once you're done with your test. I'm sure you'll be great."

"I appreciate your confidence. I don't think I can think right now, but I'm sure that once I can, I'll find your promise inspiring."

Luke tipped to look over Noah's shoulder and down to his lap. "Looks like you're already inspired."

Noah's ears burned bright pink. "Maybe," he muttered. He closed his eyes. "I should study." Luke's nails scraped along his skin. "Your sisters are right upstairs. And, to paraphrase you, at your grandma's house ... no." He frowned as his dick and his mind remained firmly split on this.

"But we ... ?"

"Yeah, yeah we did." He pried one of Luke's hand from inside his shirt and laced their fingers. "And it was incredible, okay? But there's a lot up for your family now, and you don't want to add to that. I get it. So when we're next together, it's going to be great for both of us. Even if it kills me and my calculus book in the mean time."

Luke grumbled. "Might kill me too, y'know." He traced Noah's hand, felt the slight swelling. "Hey, what happened to you? Looks like you were in a fight. When did that happen? Are you okay?"

Noah snorted. "I'm fine, and no, it wasn't a fight, unless it was just me with my own private fight club going on. Just," he shrugged, stood up. "I just needed to release some tension before I studied."

Luke frowned. "So you, what, attacked a random fence post that stepped in front of you?" He rained kisses across Noah's knuckles, tongued his way over his fingers.

He winced. His stomach clenched. His heart throbbed on each word. "The door of my truck, not a fence post. Luke - " he attempted to move his hand.

"Shut up, Mayer." Luke flipped over Noah's hand to lick his palm. He bit down, skidding his teeth up from his wrist and down from the center of Noah's palm. "Want you so much all the time. I can't help myself. You fill my waking, sleeping, every thought. It's not just you who sublimates with food."

Noah swallowed. "Oh god."

"Yeah."

"We should ..."

"Study, right. You should study. I should read." Luke released Noah's captured hand. He slid his way to Noah's back, pressed his hands into Noah's hips and Noah's ass into him. "Studying is good. And I'll behave real soon, but first." He rocked his legs forward, bit his tongue at each scrape of denim against denim. "I can get you time alone with me. After your test." He kissed Noah's neck.

*****

Noah felt ridiculous in the store. Chocolates, hearts, roses jacked up a million times, diamonds. Over commercialized, over sentimentalized, over feminized insanity. He flipped through the racks of cards. "Nothing, nothing, nothing. Lame. Stupid. Oh god, awful. Nothing, nothing, nothing." He moved to the blank cards, and there, hidden among them, was the perfect one. A sunset over a farm, all in black and white with nothing inside to embarrass either of them. He flushed as he paid for it, stupid as that was, not like anyone knew. Not like it mattered. He straightened his shoulders. "Thanks, my boyfriend will love it." Noah resisted winking at the clerk. Okay, so maybe he hadn't done a good job with restraining himself.

Next on his list was the Lakeview. He paid in cash, under the name Peter Parker, and didn't give a fuck how ridiculous that would be. No way was he going to let Luke be contemplating whether or not his mom knew they were there. Talk about a buzz kill. No family but the two of them was his mantra. No family but the two of them. Noah took stock of the different things Luke had said recently, from the comment about not watching porn ... at his grandmother's, to every time he mentioned his parents. He thought he knew what was going on. He hoped he was right.

Sappy card, check. Room booked, check. Room service for breakfast, check. No rose petals. No locker rooms. Stop thinking about that! Condoms, check. Lube, three different kinds because he just didn't know, check. And why were they never showing lube on stupid television? No ties or any other things to keep someone still. Music and the speakers for his iPod, check. This was going to be okay, more than okay, it was going to be amazing. As long as he didn't screw something up or say the wrong thing.

His knuckles were healed and he thought he might have aced his Calculus test. He'd be meeting Luke in forty five minutes. Enough time to think of a suitable thing to write in that card. Why couldn't he have been the writer just once? He rolled his neck, rotated his shoulders to loosen up. More minutes later than he'd like to recall, he had it. Noah wrote as carefully as he could, signed it 'Love, Noah' and waited until the ink dried before sticking it in the envelope. He popped a stick of gum to rid himself of the sweet sticky glue on his tongue. There were much better flavors waiting to be tasted.

Everything was as ready as it was going to be.

*****  
**part two**

"It's a Valentine." Luke ripped at the paper. He turned to Noah. "You're a closet romantic."

"Shut up." Noah breathed easier at Luke's smile.

"Well if it makes you feel any better, I was going to get you one too"

"Oh yeah, sure."

Luke read from the card. "The best thing that ever happened to me ... is you." He blushed. "The feeling's mutual." He leaned in to kiss Noah, but the man walking by had him freeze in his intended trajectory. Luke tightened and turned his head at the last second. "Well, I wish I was suave enough to surprise you with a card."

"I'm just glad it didn't make you hurl." Noah frowned. Had he written something wrong? Was the feeling really mutual? Did Luke not want him enough to kiss him? He turned it to a smile when Luke looked at him, not wanting to project his fear. Today was going to be perfect. No classic movies, no weird locker room porn sets. No family but the two of them. He repeated his mantra.

"It's sweet."

"I felt weird buying it, but then I thought, wait a minute, how different, and really awful would my life be, if I hadn't met you." 

*****

"You are a romantic. I knew it!" Luke grinned. Noah not finding a way to imagine them together proved it better than any gift he could have received. This was the best Valentine's day ever and how had he not been prepared? Luke leaned into the warmth of Noah's arm around his shoulder. He felt like an ass. All those things he'd wanted to shower Noah with for Valentine's day, but didn't. Noah hadn't once mentioned the fourteenth all week, just his math test and his incessant need to study. He'd barely even mentioned his film class.

Luke pictured his wastebasket in his room with the millions of crumpled love notes. He'd nixed roses, chocolates, dinner and a movie, everything in an attempt to keep Noah comfortable and he'd fucked it up. He was a bad boyfriend. How could he make it up to him? He hadn't even found alone time for them. He was going to suggest finding the nearest motel available, even though that wasn't very romantic. Maybe Noah wouldn't go for that? Hell. He worried his lower lip between his teeth.

"Hey you, where'd you go?" Noah tugged at the collar of Luke's jacket.

"Oh, sorry, I was just thinking," he sighed. "I just feel like an idiot Noah. I've been really angry about Valentine's day for a long time and I didn't want to put pressure on you or anything, so I tried to squash the significance of the day in favor of you doing well on that test. But now you're being the best boyfriend ever and I failed."

Noah moved quick to crowd into Luke's space. "You didn't fail. You're not an idiot. I usually hate today as well. It's a dumb day, but I've been so caught up in myself recently and I just wanted to tell you how great you are. Your mom almost died, your dad was accused of murder, it hasn't been easy for you. So shut up, Luke, and just let me do this."

Luke stared up at him. Let him do what? What did Noah want to do? His heart pounded. "I can always let you love me, Noah. It's the best thing I've ever done." He held Noah's hands. "We didn't get to plan that alone time. Do you want to just go somewhere? Anywhere? I just want to be with you." The tap of high heels and shuffle of men's dress shoes stopped him from throwing himself into macking on Noah like he wanted. "What can I do?"

Noah swallowed. Luke's mouth dried with the need to bite his throat. Noah tumbled over his words so fast Luke could barely understand them. "You can come with me now? I know you said never, because you didn't want your family to know but I sorta, well, your mom isn't working, and it's under a fake name, and I just, god Luke, I just really wanted to have some time that was just the two of us."

"What did you do?"

"I got us a room at the Lakeview. Room 314. You don't even have to go into the lobby. I checked us in already. I have the keys." He tightened his grip on their collective fingers. "Please don't say no, Luke, please." His voice cracked and that was about the cutest thing Luke had heard. 

Even dizzy with lust and possibility, he knew what this must have cost Noah to set up, knew the risk it must have felt like. "Oh god, yes. Yes, yes, yes. I was going to suggest a motel outside of Oakdale, but this is much better. What took you so long to tell me? Let's go."

*****

Noah popped his head out of the elevator first. "We're clear." He held Luke's hand. "Ready?"

"Ready."

They dashed down the hall. Noah fumbled the key into the door and pushed it open. He held his breath as the door closed and reminded himself for the seventeenth time that he was not going to spin Luke around and fuck him against the door yet, because Luke needed time to adjust to the idea of them having a room. Shit. He needed to remember that. He fumbled off his gloves and coat and tossed them over a chair. "You're sure this is okay?"

"Yeah, just, I don't know, gimme a moment." Luke shed his coat and gloves on top of Noah's. "This was, wow, how did you get this? Why did you get this?" He turned slowly around the room. "I haven't been in one of these rooms in awhile. Used to," he laughed, "Used to dream about them." He ran his fingers across the wall.

Noah closed most of the distance between them, put himself in Luke's space. "What would you dream?" He hated that his voice sounds strangled, hated that Luke wasn't looking at him, hated that he might have made a mistake. Just like the second time they ever kissed, Noah put a hand on Luke's wrist. His fingers brushed the wall and not a desk, but the same purpose was served. Luke's skin pinked and he looked so stupidly hot when he blushed. "Tell me," Noah whispered. "What would you dream about?"

Luke twisted his hand. His fingers tangled in Noah's. His eyes stared at the carpet. "Oh, well, you know, some day a tall dark and handsome stranger would come and rescue me and take me away to a beautiful room where we could be alone. Let's be honest, it wasn't going to happen over Spring break, and while the prom with Maddy was fun, she wasn't exactly who I was hoping would rent a room for the two of us so are special night could go on forever, just like all those stupid teen romances promise, even if everything does go horribly wrong half the time." He shrugs. "Maybe I just wanted to find my own John Cusack like in that movie, what was it? Say Anything, I think?"

Noah exhaled. He can't necessarily do the handsome part, but tall, dark, dorky, he's got those in spades. "You're kinda babbling, Luke."

Luke's eyes met Noah's. "I guess I'm nervous. I don't really know what to do."

Noah snorted. He swallowed around the heat scorching through him, the constant throb of New Year's Eve riding his veins. "Because you pinning me to your bed and blowing me was just my imagination?" Fuck, he so should not have said that. "Look, Luke, I just wanted to spend time with you and no one else. It's not that I don't love your family, because I do, I really do, it's just. I wanted alone time, okay? We don't have to do anything, honest. We could watch movies all night, or just talk, or anything."

Luke's eyes changed from curious to mischievous in the time it took Noah to blurt out his stupidly noble I-can-keep-it-in-my-pants-honest words. "All we've done recently is talk, Noah." He leaned in. "Kiss me already."

"God, yes." Noah backed Luke into the wall like he wanted to forever. Instead of releasing Luke's wrist, he grabbed the other one to pin them both above Luke's head and mouthed across his jaw. Luke's lips tasted of hot chocolate and whipped cream. He caught the edge of his bottom lip in his teeth and used Luke's gasp to lick his way into his mouth. He took his time. Rushed kisses on the porch or in the hallway when no one is looking just weren't the same. Noah groaned at the velvet slick of Luke's tongue against his, knew the miracles it was capable of and wanted a million more of them. He shuddered at the acquiescence in Luke, the way he trusted him even when pinned against a wall. For a moment, Noah tightened his grasp before sliding his hands down the muscles of Luke's arms, down his sides, his torso. He hooked his fingers into the belt loops on Luke's jeans and pulled him closer. Luke's whimper almost undid him as their bodies lined up perfectly against each other. Noah broke their kiss for much needed air, "Is this okay?"

Luke rotated his hips forward into Noah's. He pushed himself off the wall, smashed their mouths together. 

The weeks on the porch had meant something because there was no need for romance or pretty words. Six weeks of foreplay must have been enough. Tongues and lips and teeth, god, thank you, teeth. Noah's knees weakened. He clutched at the heat of Luke's back, pulling him closer, wanting so much to not know where he ended and Luke began. With infinitely more patience that he could feel, Noah gentled the touch of his lips on his boyfriend. He cupped Luke's face in his hands, ran his fingers over the flush of his face, drowned in the chocolate of his eyes and their stuttering breaths. "Sorry, sorry, I," Noah sighed. "I know what I want. I mean, okay, never found the specific classic movie fantasy, but I know what I want. Tonight, however, needs to be about you." He sat on the edge of the bed, cringed at the pinch of denim on his erection. "So come, sit down, I'm going to put on some music, and let's start there." Even though it killed him, even though he wanted to throw Luke down on the bed, Noah maybe wanted to laugh a little, because Luke ... Luke had this half confused, half blissed out face on and maybe sometimes a little payback was worth it in the end.

Noah flipped through his iPod and put on his Luke mix. He'd almost, maybe, okay maybe not quite come to terms with with being sappy, but it was Luke. He was probably more embarrassed by thinking of him in terms of Dave Matthews and country love songs. And so what if he'd spent hours on YouTube watching clips of Queer as Folk and listening to the music, and okay, Jesus, fine, fine, he was a damned girl from some damned teenage romance. In the mirror, he watched Luke touch his lips with one hand and dance circles across the bed with the other. He pulled two bottles of water from the cooler he had stashed in the corner, wiped the condensation and nerves off on his jeans. Silently, Noah placed the bottles on the nightstand. "Well?"

*****

"God I love you." Luke flopped back on the bed and grabbed Noah's hands. "Didn't you bring me here to have your wicked ways with me? Why are you over there and still dressed?" This was it. It was going to happen. No rushed almost blowjobs that he stopped or hidden kisses that he hadn't. Woah? Luke laughed at the shock on Noah's face. "Weren't expecting that, I take it?"

"Not really."

Luke blinked. Noah really hadn't been expecting it? Really? What the fuck? "Noah?" He adjusted the two of them so he was curled into Noah's arms, their feet near the headboard, their heads almost hanging off the edge. "Talk to me."

"I -" Noah fumbled. "I thought maybe you thought you had made a mistake. That I did something wrong. I don't know. I just feel like every time sex has come up, or god, just even touching in public recently, you've seemed against it." He pressed his chin against Luke's shoulder, curled his fingers into his hair.

"Oh, Noah." Luke tried to turn but Noah held him firm. Luke tightened his grip on the hand he did have. "I didn't want to freak you out. Thought maybe I had come on too strong what with the pinning you down and having my way with you. You didn't know how badly I wanted you every time we were kissing? Couldn't feel it every time I pressed myself against you on the porch?" Luke rocked back against Noah, tangled their legs and pulled Noah's body as close to his own as possible. "I can feel how much you want me." He pulled Noah's hand down. "Can't you tell it's the same?" The touch of their fingers, over his jeans no less, nearly had him weeping. Luke pushed forward and managed to catch his boyfriend enough off guard to twist around and pin him on the bed. He held Noah's wrists and gyrated on top of his hips. He grinned. "Apparently I like pinning you."

Noah blushed and turned his head to the side. Luke missed what he said. "What was that? I couldn't hear you." Keeping Noah's arms steady, Luke laid himself down on top of Noah. The heat between them could light all of Oakdale for a year. He bit at Noah's jaw. "Tell me what you said," he breathed into Noah's ear.

"I said - " Noah turned to face him. Luke froze at the intensity of those blue eyes, watched Noah swallow before whispering his confession. "I said, apparently I like being pinned."

And wow, if Luke's world wasn't spinning upside down at those words. "Oh."

*****

"Yeah, oh." Noah didn't need to be a rocket scientist to see what his words had done to Luke. He twisted up and away, pushing Luke off him in the process, but curled himself up as much as he could. Which, okay, was not so much, but the point was clear. He kept his back to Luke, stared at the pillows. Shuddered when he felt a warm hand on his shoulder. Wanted to, man, really wanted to lean into that warmth, but somehow Noah knew better. What had the Colonel always said? Something about the only person you could ever trust was yourself. Don't ever admit to a vulnerability. Fuck. He wanted to smash his head into his knees or the wall or the hardest object he could find up to and including his own damned dick if he thought that was anatomically possible.

"Noah ..."

Noah sighed. "I shouldn't have said anything, really." But yes, hell yes, yes he should have said something. He should have said it sooner. Should have said that and so much more. Phrases like 'Why are you such a damned cocktease?' or 'Do you even want to have sex?' screamed in his mind. 'Do you not want me?' and 'Will it always be your family first?' squeezed his heart. If that weren't enough, the relief at admitting that he had loved Luke being all butch or whatever and taking control had Noah's dick aching for more, almost forcing out questions like 'So why did you ask me about sex at all if we were never going to have any? What was I supposed to hope for when you started detailing porn scenes to me?' 

Too many senses, too many signals, like that moment when he had slid against Luke in their kitchen after that infamous swim in Snyder pond. Now was probably the moment to cut and run. "Look, I can't take it back, obviously, but we can forget I said it." He fisted his hair, refused to move his eyes anywhere that wasn't the pillows. The room had a stupid bedspread pattern. It managed to clash with itself. He rolled his eyes. Could he sound more gay? "You've asked me about sex a couple times, asked me about fantasies, and I guess I figured it out in the last few weeks." He uncurled his hand to brush Luke's off his shoulder.

"You did?"

Did Luke have to sound like that? All shy and curious, like it was a big shock. Dude, he'd been gay first. Couldn't he cut Noah a little slack for having been out less than a year? "Yeah." Great answer, Mayer. Real eloquent. He coughed. Focus on the ugly pillows. Swallow. Oh yeah, hey, breath. Reminding his body of basic necessities made things .02% less awkward. "I did, okay? And it's like I said in my card, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. And a big part of that is because I don't -" His voice cracked

"You don't what?" The bed shifted behind Noah and all of a sudden Luke's arms were around him pulling him into Luke's chest.

Noah vaguely attempted to move out of Luke's arms.

"No. No way. You don't get to say something like that and then ditch me." Noah felt Luke wrap himself tighter around him. Noah held his breath. Luke's words tickled his ear. "I want to hear this fantasy of yours. Maybe it will match up with one of mine?"

"One of yours," Noah wondered. "How many do you have?" Real fantasies or just good visuals to jerk off to in the shower? Not that he was jerking off in the shower because, seriously, it's Emma's farm and ... okay ... Who was he kidding? The shower was the most private place in the damned farm and the closest to Luke's bedroom. Great, now he sounded like a perv even to himself.

"A lot. Remember? I'm the writer here."

Noah gave up on the ugly pillow and shifted to stare at the ceiling with his head on Luke's shoulder. "I don't get you at all, Luke. For the last six weeks it's been 'not in front of the family' and today you ducked out on kissing me at least twice. You ask about what I'm thinking, what my fantasies are, and then it's like you don't want them to be able to come true." He fidgeted with the comforter. "What's the point?" Real men didn't need dreams, didn't need comics or action heroes. Real men had hardship and war and truth and order. That much he got.

*****

"The point? What's the point?" Luke controlled a shudder. How had everything gone so wrong so quickly? How could he fix it? He covered Noah's hands with his, laced their fingers together, stroked them over Noah's stomach. God he had a great stomach, and those hips? He hovered over Noah's sides, aching to dive on top of him. "The point, Mayer, is that I have a million fantasies. You've been starring in them practically since you walked in the door of WOAK late. And okay, so yeah, maybe that whole you being straight thing should have been a deterrent." He released Noah's hands to knead at his back, sneak under his shirt and clutch at his skin. "And then I was in the hospital." Saliva pooled in his mouth. God he wanted to bite Noah, suck bruises onto his skin and hear him make those noises that just did it for Luke every. fucking. time. "And so I had a lot of time to fantasize. But nothing compared to Christmas and New Years. They were, damn Noah, you have to know. That was the most incredible week of my life." He tipped his head to nuzzle at Noah's neck. "And then things got all screwed up with my family. Part of me thought, am I being punished for being happy? Is my family so broken because I busted right through one of my gram's cardinal rules?"

"Yeah, but you told me yourself that Holden and your mom ... ?"

"They did. They totally did." Luke wrinkled his nose. "I don't want to think about that. The point is ..." He went in for the kill-shot. No warning before he teased his hands up to tickle Noah and had him squirm until his back was against the mattress. Perfectly executed! He could be an Olympic wrestler if it weren't for those ugly ass outfits and the thought of perpetually springing wood rolling around on mats with guys for all the world to see and judge. Luke purred. He liked the feel of his thighs around Noah's, his knees nestled up against the thin line of skin that showed from where Noah's shirt got lifted in their ... erm ... tussle? "The point is that you've been the primary feature in my mind for a long time, and I want everything to be as amazing as it was." He eventually confessed quickly and quietly, "So, okay, I don't know, but it might be a little bit of performance anxiety, maybe?"

Noah laughed. "You? Performance anxiety? Jesus, why? Have you ever looked at yourself? Have you ever looked at me around you? I'm this ridiculous fumbling idiot. I can't stop smiling, can't stop looking, dreaming, god Luke, can't stop myself wanting. Don't you know that about me?" He closed his eyes.

"Umm, no?" But that wasn't true. Luke knew. Luke knew Noah like he knew nothing else. He had memorized the contours of his chest, every hiss, every whimper six weeks before, and had seen the hint of those same noises and the sex in the blue of his eyes. Hell, he'd managed to get Noah to confess to thinking about it, to wanting it, all of that. So what was going on? He closed his eyes, rubbed himself up and down the muscles of Noah's legs, let his hands ride under the blue shirt to feel heat, skin and muscle. Noah made that noise again and lust curled into Luke's stomach. This time he let it stay there. Let himself feel it. "Want you so much, Noah. Look at me." He waited. "Noah?" Luke shoved up the shirt he knew matched Noah's eyes, admired the muscles twitching underneath. He curled his tongue against his teeth and remembered New Year's Eve.

 

"Did I hurt you?"

Noah's voice all breathy and low. "Let's try again and find out." 

He was on to something with that memory, knew Noah was telling him the truth. And there was this skin underneath him, blank once again, slightly more toned from the increased workout of farm chores and just as hot. His boyfriend still hadn't met his gaze, but Luke's eyes were now way too busy. He released the purr in the back of his throat, continued the slow slipslide of his hips, thighs, ass against Noah. "Fine, don't look, but I'm taking this shirt off you soon, in case you care." He shifted his hips forward to keep Noah in place. "Mine first." Luke's fingers shook as he yanked his own sweater off. The neck nearly choked him. "Fuck!" But then it was off and Noah's shirt was shoved up past his nipples and he was goddamnedrightnowrightthere helpless against the pull of pale skin.

The taste of him was salt and sweat and something all Noah. Luke laved his tongue across his the dips and swells of hips until Noah writhed. Caught in the feel of them both groaning, Luke opened his mouth and bit hard against Noah's flesh. He inhaled, sucked blood to the surface. He tongued gently over the hickey to ease any pain, but the thrust of Noah's dick toward his and the way Noah's hands fisted the bedspread seemed to indicate pain wasn't a problem. Luke rubbed at Noah's wrist, but held them down. Luke didn't look, almost didn't care if Noah's eyes were open or not, that wasn't the point. The point was skin against skin, chest against chest, mouth against nipple, teeth and tongue dragging out whimpers that neither of them would admit to by light of day.

"You're still all mine." Luke sucked another bruise forward. "All beautiful and all mine." He nuzzled passed the bunched cotton to lick Noah's neck. "Dressed, Noah, you're too dressed. Help me out." He held his breath and released strong wrists from beneath his fingers and wondering at how the sight of the red marks from holding someone could be hot wired to his dick. They both tugged at the clothes, Noah arching up, Luke pulling and then they were kissing, god, kisses better than anything Luke had felt in weeks. 

He found Noah's hands, met them palm to palm and curled his fingers against his. Usually so aggressive, hell, aggressive against the wall when Luke entered, Noah seemed tentative. His mouth open, but no tongue inside Luke's mouth, no teeth on his lip. Luke moved to breathe. Screw that. All or nothing on a night like this. "If we're going to do this, have sex again, have different sex, whatever, you need to be here, you need to participate. You can't accuse me of holding back and then go all shy when we're both half naked and nearly coming in our jeans." He laughed at the flush that bloomed in Noah's cheeks like Spring sunsets. "You can't deny it. I can feel the both of us from where I am, and we are so going to be naked soon. And I mean, really naked, Noah, not half dressed and pants shoved down with your dick down my throat where it should be. Want to see all of you spread beneath me, want to know what you want." He dragged his teeth across Noah's earlobe. "Want to make your fantasy come true tonight, and some of mine as well." Luke mouthed across his jaw before tonguing back into Noah's mouth. 

And that was apparently what Noah had needed. His hips bucked against Luke's, his breathing stopped, and then he was whispering obscenities that barely made sense but sounded amazing. The tell tale warmth seeped between them, dampening Luke's thighs. "Holy shit," Luke whispered. Drunk on his boyfriend's response and his own ability to cause such pleasure, one, two thrusts later and he saw stars as his own orgasm ripped through him. He couldn't help it. He laughed. Soon enough Noah was laughing as well.

"I can't believe I just came in my jeans."

"You can't? At least you had an excuse, I held you down. What's my excuse?"

Noah smirked. "I'm really hot? And maybe, maybe you love me a little bit."

"That must be it. That little bit." Come was cooling against his shorts and jeans. No longer incredible, it was kind of gross. "Remember how I said we were going to be naked?" He arched an eyebrow at Noah. "Gonna be now over later. Not feeling so sexy at the moment."

Noah frowned. He tugged at the button of his own jeans. "I get that. And I'd like that. I really wanted tonight to be special for both of us Luke."

Luke watched Noah's fingers pop the button and head toward the zipper. "Wait!" Noah paused - "Let me do that" - and removed his hands. Luke slid his tongue under the band of Noah's jeans, nipped at the non-marked hip. "Going to shift off you for a second to make this easier." He eased up and off Noah's legs onto the center of the bed. "Lift up a little." In a movement more smooth than expected, Luke had a very naked boyfriend. A very naked, shyly blushing boyfriend. A very naked, shyly blushing boyfriend whose eyes pierced his heart and whose dick was already starting to revive.

"Turn the light off?"

"No. I want to look. But I'll make this more even, okay." His jeans weren't nearly as tidily removed. Maybe he was too distracted? He rolled his eyes. Gee, Luke, you think? He was really going to do this. He swallowed. And then he was very naked himself. This was dumb. Noah had seen him once before. Hell, he'd fucked himself into Noah's mouth at Noah's request. Why was he blushing like a virgin all over again?

*****

Oh god, oh god, oh god. Noah had never wanted to hide so much in his life. What was he doing? How could he have just told Luke, just admitted that he liked ... and then ... and he ... and they ... and now. He kept his eyes squeezed shut, bit down on one of his knuckles. He heard the whisper of Luke's zipper, felt the air as they went winging somewhere into the room. Somewhere near him, Luke was honest to god completely naked and why the fuck were his eyes still closed? He bit his finger harder and forced his eyes open. His tongue felt too big in his mouth. "You're, I don't, you're just ..."

Luke laughed. "Cold. The word you're looking for is cold. It's February, why is the a/c cranking?"

Not quite the response he was expecting. Maybe they were both nervous? Noah breathed easier. "Maybe a pre-set thing?" He swallowed. "Two options, I guess, you can turn the heat up or you could, you know, come back here and we could warm each other up. There's something about you and me and cold weather, Luke. Christmas day ringing any bells?"

Luke flopped on the bed next to Noah, covered his face with his hands. "I do remember. I remember being an idiot and freaking out." He turned to face Noah.

Noah lost himself in Luke's eyes. He curled his arm over Luke's chest, pulled him close to kiss him. "Apparently I have a better memory for these things. I remember that bench and the way you looked at me, the way you touched me, the way we kissed." Apparently he was going to be up for round two sooner than he expected. "So maybe you're being an idiot now, but you weren't then." He trailed designs over Luke's skin with his fingertips. Noah's pressed his side up against him and just tipped his head slightly ... He heard the urgency in his voice, shifted his designs to Luke's hip, "Still cold?"

"Not so much anymore."

Noah watched Luke's muscles tighten as he slid two fingers down the line of hair below his bellybutton. He bent forward and tongued at his stomach, moved quick to capture Luke's legs under his. "Still a little cold?" He licked up to one of Luke's nipples, blew across it to watch the reaction. The sound Luke made, damn. Noah mouthed at the other nipple, eliciting the same reaction. He could feel Luke's erection stirring against his and smiled. "Well?"

Luke coughed. "Umm, no?" His hands scraped over Noah's back. "You?"

He shifted to move his legs between Luke's. "I'm good," Noah said. He leaned back to lick a stripe up Luke's dick.

"Oh god."

Noah took that as a good sign. He did it again. Huh, same reaction. Nice. Noah opened his mouth, swirled his tongue around the top and downed the head of Luke's dick. The splash of salt and musk jolted his senses. "Taste so good," he tried to mumble, not caring if Luke understood. His tongue found that sensitive spot he thought he had remembered, right below the head, and he focused on that while his hand wrapped around Luke's shaft. Hot, soft, hard, perfect, god he could do this for hours. He opened his other hand over Luke's stomach holding him down. He relaxed his jaw, wanted more, took more, Luke in him and bucking up, not down this time, different but so fucking good. He pressed his hand to his own dick for a moment. No way he was coming now. 

Luke propped himself up on his elbows and watched. "So fucking hot, Noah. Cannot believe I waited so long." His hands tightened on the comforter.

Noah beamed at the desire in Luke's voice, wanted to tell him that was the point, that he was the fucking hot one, not Noah. He winked and focused back on losing himself in the feel of Luke. He shifted his hand to run up Luke's thighs, apparently a good thing, and flicked his tongue where Luke seemed most sensitive. He felt his boyfriend collapsing against the bed, arched his back at the tug of Luke's hands on his skull. Everything he wanted, every image of Luke against the wall, against the table, against the floor, against the horse stall surged into his brain. He sucked a bit tighter, pulled a bit rougher, and then Luke was pushing at him and Noah was having none of that. He dragged his hands up to Luke's, locked them in his hair, and swallowed Luke even deeper into him. There was shuddering, and more hair pulling which he maybe liked too much, and then Luke was coming, hips rocking, dick moving, hot salt against his tongue, down his throat, so fucking good. Noah swallowed again and again until Luke's hands relaxed. He sat up, wiped come from the edge of his lips onto his finger and into his mouth. He stared at Luke, his eyes were all pupil, his lips red and swollen, his skin flushed red. 

Noah wanted to do it all over again. Now, immediately, and oh god, he would not come right now, please because really, Luke had a body made for sex and that's what Noah wanted. He swallowed cold air, continued to taste Luke on his tongue, knew he needed to move somehow. With some throbbing and a lot of internal pleading on his part to not come like a thirteen year old again, Noah lay down next to Luke. Luke wrapped his arms around him, held him so close. "Love you, Luke. Really, really love you." He could feel tears against his eyelids, clenched his hands against Luke's.

"Love you too, god, so much. You have no idea ..." He laughed. "Or maybe you do. Noah, that was incredible." He wiped at Noah's cheekbone. "Hey, you okay?"

Noah let out a watery laugh. "Guess blowjobs make me stupid or something."

"No, never stupid, never, ever. You made me stupid, I think you swallowed anything I might have ever thought in my life." He bit Noah's shoulder. "My turn."

*****

"What? No. Luke, I didn't do this so you would..."

"I know. You did it because I was cold." He wrapped his leg around Noah's. "I'm not cold any more. Don't you want me to?" Luke figured that getting sucked off would have made him relaxed, exhausted, something, but all he wanted was to reciprocate. All the marks he'd left on Noah and somehow Noah had still managed to make it be about him instead. He nibbled at Noah's neck, sucked under his jaw. "Thank you. If I don't say it enough, thank you. I've been so engrossed in my incredible family's drama and you did this for me." He rubbed Noah's stomach.

"I wanted some time alone with you. This was as much about me as ... oh ... oh Jesus."

Luke smirked. "No. Just me." His hands jacked Noah slow at first, but it was clear it wouldn't be long. "Come on, baby, just let go."

Noah tried to speak. He swallowed.

Luke dragged teeth and tongue across his earlobe, shifted one of his hands to pinch at Noah's nipples. "Love you, Noah."

Hot and silky come coated Luke's hand and Noah's stomach. Noah gasped at each small aftershock Luke managed to find within him. "Wanted you in me when I came," he murmured, his body curled back into Luke's. "I'm kind of sleepy now, and sticky too. I want a shower, and a nap, and more sex, okay?"

Luke's dick attempted to rally for round number three at Noah's words, even while his gut clenched. Somehow he'd always imagined that he'd be the bottom half of most sexcapades, but Noah's sleepy confession caught him off guard. Noah spread open. Noah bent over. Noah plastered against the shower wall. Noah riding himself over Luke. The relaxed mushiness of post-orgasmic haze was being swept away in a tide of ohmygodnownownowdohimdoitdohim. He rolled his eyes. "Let's get us into the shower before I jump you again." He kissed Noah's forehead, pulled them both into sitting positions. "Come on, baby. I'll have to remember how sleepy you get after sex. Give you Red Bull or something."

"Can't we just nap for a little while?" The pout in Noah's voice almost melted Luke's resolve. Almost, but he knew Noah wanted more tonight, and if he woke up in an hour feeling dirty, that wasn't going to exactly set the right mood.

"Hey Noah," Luke breathed near his ear. "If we get in the shower and then curl up for awhile, when we wake up, I promise, you won't come until I'm in you." He bit his lip to not laugh at how wide Noah's eyes opened, how black and big his pupils grew. "Thought that might work."

Noah blushed, but stumbled to a standing position and headed toward the bathroom. "Hey Luke?"

"Yeah?"

"Happy Valentine's Day."

"The best one ever."


End file.
